The Hard Words of Mentoring – part 1 Aug28

wordswag_1503578803603 (1)

The Hard Words of Mentoring - part 1

Mentoring is a privilege, a joy, and a blessing.  Oftentimes mentors lives are touched just as much as the mentees.  It is a community of hearts bonded together, pursuing God with intentionality and vulnerability.  A beautiful journey.

But it's not all roses and rainbows.  There are definitely some aspects of mentoring that are a challenge.  Pieces that are hard, and honestly, would make our role as a mentor much easier if we could just ignore them.  Yet, when embraced, they are the pieces that have the potential to bring about the most growth.  Pieces that if left out, we'd no longer be considered a mentor.  They are what I consider the "hard words of mentoring". . . accountability and confrontation.  

And all my sisters said, "Amen!"

I used to walk the greenway with my mentor, Regina. While we walked, we'd talk about the current monthly topic we were focused on, the book we were reading that month, and about life in general.  As I shared with her what was going on in my life I can't count how many times she'd stop me and remind me "it's not a story about Jeni, it's a story about God" or just a simple "it's not about Jeni."  Every time it would sting a little and my heart would sink a bit, but I knew she was right and I knew I needed the redirection in my thinking.  She was shifting my life perspective from one that was Jeni-central to one that is God-central.  And because I knew she loved me and wanted the best for me, I was able to hear her corrections, even through the sting, and grow from it.  It's not fun being corrected or having weak areas exposed.  But without those gentle verbal reminders, I wouldn't have grown, my perspective wouldn't have broadened, and my self-centered focus wouldn't have shifted.  Her holding me accountable and her willingness to confront is what helped shaped my transformation. It's what I knew I needed, even though I didn't want it.  And it's what your mentees need, yet they might not want it either.

Because of how important accountability and confrontation are to mentoring, we're going to explore these "speed bumps" together, breaking them down piece by piece, in hopes to understand how critical they are to mentoring as well as how to do it with confidence, balanced with love and grace.

But first, let's go back to the basics and look at some definitions.

mentoring - discipleship through intentional relationship

discipleship - embracing, training, and assisting in spreading the teachings of Christ

accountability - "The state of being liable to answer for one's conduct; liability to give account, and to receive reward or punishment for actions" (Webstersdictionary1828.com online)

confrontation - "The act of bringing two persons into the presence of each other for examination and discovery of truth."  (Webstersdictionary1828.com online)

As disciples of Jesus, we are not only called to learn His teachings, we are called to live them. Studying the Bible helps us learn God's Word.  Mentoring is how we learn to live it out - life on life, woman to woman.  Relationships built on trust, intentionality, and designed for growth.

Without accountability there is no giving account for your actions.  And without confrontation, truth is not exposed. But with them, a mentor can show love and change lives by speaking truth and in turn fostering growth.

No doubt this is hard.  Intimidating.  And uncomfortable.  But it's oh so important.

What do we need to do as mentors to set the stage for healthy accountability and confrontation?  
How do we gain trust and respect that enables us to speak truth into our mentee's life?
How do boundaries and expectations actually give freedom?

How do we do accountability and confrontation well? 
How do we walk the fine line between confrontation and grace?

Good questions.   Questions we'll answer over the next couple weeks....

For His glory and the next generation,

Screenshot 2016-06-20 at 11.52.45 AM - Edited
Jeni Fobart
Executive Director
Titus2 Mentoring Women
jeni@titus2mentoringwomen.com

For resources to equip and guide you in your mentoring, go to www.titus2mentoringwomen.com
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The Hard Words of Mentoring – part 1 Aug28

wordswag_1503578803603 (1)

The Hard Words of Mentoring - part 1

Mentoring is a privilege, a joy, and a blessing.  Oftentimes mentors lives are touched just as much as the mentees.  It is a community of hearts bonded together, pursuing God with intentionality and vulnerability.  A beautiful journey.

But it's not all roses and rainbows.  There are definitely some aspects of mentoring that are a challenge.  Pieces that are hard, and honestly, would make our role as a mentor much easier if we could just ignore them.  Yet, when embraced, they are the pieces that have the potential to bring about the most growth.  Pieces that if left out, we'd no longer be considered a mentor.  They are what I consider the "hard words of mentoring". . . accountability and confrontation.  

And all my sisters said, "Amen!"

I used to walk the greenway with my mentor, Regina. While we walked, we'd talk about the current monthly topic we were focused on, the book we were reading that month, and about life in general.  As I shared with her what was going on in my life I can't count how many times she'd stop me and remind me "it's not a story about Jeni, it's a story about God" or just a simple "it's not about Jeni."  Every time it would sting a little and my heart would sink a bit, but I knew she was right and I knew I needed the redirection in my thinking.  She was shifting my life perspective from one that was Jeni-central to one that is God-central.  And because I knew she loved me and wanted the best for me, I was able to hear her corrections, even through the sting, and grow from it.  It's not fun being corrected or having weak areas exposed.  But without those gentle verbal reminders, I wouldn't have grown, my perspective wouldn't have broadened, and my self-centered focus wouldn't have shifted.  Her holding me accountable and her willingness to confront is what helped shaped my transformation. It's what I knew I needed, even though I didn't want it.  And it's what your mentees need, yet they might not want it either.

Because of how important accountability and confrontation are to mentoring, we're going to explore these "speed bumps" together, breaking them down piece by piece, in hopes to understand how critical they are to mentoring as well as how to do it with confidence, balanced with love and grace.

But first, let's go back to the basics and look at some definitions.

mentoring - discipleship through intentional relationship

discipleship - embracing, training, and assisting in spreading the teachings of Christ

accountability - "The state of being liable to answer for one's conduct; liability to give account, and to receive reward or punishment for actions" (Webstersdictionary1828.com online)

confrontation - "The act of bringing two persons into the presence of each other for examination and discovery of truth."  (Webstersdictionary1828.com online)

As disciples of Jesus, we are not only called to learn His teachings, we are called to live them. Studying the Bible helps us learn God's Word.  Mentoring is how we learn to live it out - life on life, woman to woman.  Relationships built on trust, intentionality, and designed for growth.

Without accountability there is no giving account for your actions.  And without confrontation, truth is not exposed. But with them, a mentor can show love and change lives by speaking truth and in turn fostering growth.

No doubt this is hard.  Intimidating.  And uncomfortable.  But it's oh so important.

What do we need to do as mentors to set the stage for healthy accountability and confrontation?  
How do we gain trust and respect that enables us to speak truth into our mentee's life?
How do boundaries and expectations actually give freedom?

How do we do accountability and confrontation well? 
How do we walk the fine line between confrontation and grace?

Good questions.   Questions we'll answer over the next couple weeks....

For His glory and the next generation,

Screenshot 2016-06-20 at 11.52.45 AM - Edited
Jeni Fobart
Executive Director
Titus2 Mentoring Women
jeni@titus2mentoringwomen.com

For resources to equip and guide you in your mentoring, go to www.titus2mentoringwomen.com
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