The Hard Words of Mentoring – part 3 Sep11

wordswag_1504187083560

The Hard Words of Mentoring - part 3

(click for part 1 or part 2)

A fence sets a boundary line between where you are allowed to go and where you are not allowed to go.  It is a physical structure that limits freedom...or does it?

There was a study done to discover the effects of a fence around a playground and the consequent impact it had on preschool children.  Teachers took their children to two similar playgrounds - one without a fence around it and another with a fence.  In the first scenario, the children stayed close to their teacher, fearful of leaving her sight.  The latter scenario exhibited drastically different results, with the children feeling free to explore within the given boundaries.  The overwhelming conclusion was that with a given limitation, children felt safer to explore a playground.  They were able to separate from the caregiver and continue to develop in their sense of self while still recognizing that they were in a safe environment within the limits of the fence. (asla.org)

In the same way these kids thrived when given boundaries, we must have boundaries as we mentor.  We need a defined fence around the relationship and the year together which in turn cultivates trust, growth, and safety.  Being held accountable - what one would typically see as restricting - when done correctly actually fosters freedom. Freedom from things that hold our mentees back.  Freedom to explore and freedom to be vulnerable because of clear boundary lines that are defined, measured, and immovable.

But to hold successfully hold someone accountable, expectations must be clear, understood, and agreed to by all who are involved.  Therefore, before launching Titus2, and as you are recruiting your mentees, it is imperative for the mentor to set a precedence and a tone for the year together, making sure the expectations are clear and understood. Once this is set your group needs to stay in that lane if at all possible, holding mentees to the expectations that you originally laid out.  Yet it is important that as you require your mentees to meet the expectations, you must yourself meet and/or exceed the expectations that have been set.  No one wants to follow a leader that isn't living out what they are preaching.

This also means we are not to give our mentees an easy way out.  When my mentor met with me before our Titus2 year started and asked me what hesitations I had, I was all lined up and ready to give out my answer - an answer I thought was going to give me a "pass" from having to follow through with the commitment I had signed up for.  Yet, my excuse of "I don't read books" didn't even phase her.  She simply said she hears that all the time and it won't be an issue.  Even though to me it was a big issue, because she stood confident and unwavering, I moved forward as such.

We need to model to the younger generation the importance of making a commitment and staying faithful till the end.  Our culture quits when things get hard.  But easy and comfortable don't set the stage for change.  It's the hard times that mold us and shape us.

We have to build a fence to bring freedom.

Next week we will finally answer the question....
How do we confront well?

Till then....

For His glory and the next generation,

Screenshot 2016-06-20 at 11.52.45 AM - Edited
Jeni Fobart
Executive Director
Titus2 Mentoring Women
jeni@titus2mentoringwomen.com

For resources to equip and guide you in your mentoring, go to www.titus2mentoringwomen.com
fb-icon

The Hard Words of Mentoring – part 3 Sep11

wordswag_1504187083560

The Hard Words of Mentoring - part 3

(click for part 1 or part 2)

A fence sets a boundary line between where you are allowed to go and where you are not allowed to go.  It is a physical structure that limits freedom...or does it?

There was a study done to discover the effects of a fence around a playground and the consequent impact it had on preschool children.  Teachers took their children to two similar playgrounds - one without a fence around it and another with a fence.  In the first scenario, the children stayed close to their teacher, fearful of leaving her sight.  The latter scenario exhibited drastically different results, with the children feeling free to explore within the given boundaries.  The overwhelming conclusion was that with a given limitation, children felt safer to explore a playground.  They were able to separate from the caregiver and continue to develop in their sense of self while still recognizing that they were in a safe environment within the limits of the fence. (asla.org)

In the same way these kids thrived when given boundaries, we must have boundaries as we mentor.  We need a defined fence around the relationship and the year together which in turn cultivates trust, growth, and safety.  Being held accountable - what one would typically see as restricting - when done correctly actually fosters freedom. Freedom from things that hold our mentees back.  Freedom to explore and freedom to be vulnerable because of clear boundary lines that are defined, measured, and immovable.

But to hold successfully hold someone accountable, expectations must be clear, understood, and agreed to by all who are involved.  Therefore, before launching Titus2, and as you are recruiting your mentees, it is imperative for the mentor to set a precedence and a tone for the year together, making sure the expectations are clear and understood. Once this is set your group needs to stay in that lane if at all possible, holding mentees to the expectations that you originally laid out.  Yet it is important that as you require your mentees to meet the expectations, you must yourself meet and/or exceed the expectations that have been set.  No one wants to follow a leader that isn't living out what they are preaching.

This also means we are not to give our mentees an easy way out.  When my mentor met with me before our Titus2 year started and asked me what hesitations I had, I was all lined up and ready to give out my answer - an answer I thought was going to give me a "pass" from having to follow through with the commitment I had signed up for.  Yet, my excuse of "I don't read books" didn't even phase her.  She simply said she hears that all the time and it won't be an issue.  Even though to me it was a big issue, because she stood confident and unwavering, I moved forward as such.

We need to model to the younger generation the importance of making a commitment and staying faithful till the end.  Our culture quits when things get hard.  But easy and comfortable don't set the stage for change.  It's the hard times that mold us and shape us.

We have to build a fence to bring freedom.

Next week we will finally answer the question....
How do we confront well?

Till then....

For His glory and the next generation,

Screenshot 2016-06-20 at 11.52.45 AM - Edited
Jeni Fobart
Executive Director
Titus2 Mentoring Women
jeni@titus2mentoringwomen.com

For resources to equip and guide you in your mentoring, go to www.titus2mentoringwomen.com
fb-icon

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