The Hard Words of Mentoring – part 4 Sep18

wordswag_1504188873730

The Hard Words of Mentoring - part 4

(click for part 1part 2, or part 3)

Being a mentor is what gives us permission to confront.
Trust is what allows us to confront.
Speaking truth is why we confront.
Love and grace is what fosters growth when we confront.  

As mentors we are challenged with speaking truth through hard conversations, yet doing it through a filter of love and grace, preserving the relationship with your mentee.  Sacrifice truth for love or love for truth and we aren't truly showing love at all.  True love has the courage to live in the tension between both truth and love.  

"And this is love: that we walk in accordance with His commandments and are guided continually by His precepts." 2 John 1:6 (AMP)

Jesus gave truths, challenging people to hold themselves to a higher standard.  He corrected them as needed, but He also showed much grace.  He set a perfect example for us in how to walk the fine line between confrontation (truth) and grace (love).

So the question is, as mentors, are we willing to embrace the tension between love and truth, not disregarding one for the other?

Examples of how to tangibly do this ...

  • Grace is necessary to preserve the mentee/mentor relationship, but gentle rebuke of failed expectations is important.  Remind your mentees that we all fall short at times and share a personal experience and how you grew from it.  Just as we show our children and God shows us, there is grace but there is also discipline.  Our Heavenly Father corrects us because He loves us.  How you approach your mentee, when you confront, what you say, and how you say it are vital to effectiveness.
  • Love your mentees through their struggles. Talk with them about where they are lacking and what may be causing it.  Are they overwhelmed?  Not making it a priority? Is the program or you as a mentor not what they expected?Ask what could make her experience better and/or more manageable.  Find creative ways to help them overcome their area of struggle.  Prioritize what you want from her and ask what you can do to help her be successful. Stress again the importance of faithfulness in their commitment.
  • Discern your mentee’s stage of life, their margin, the areas that they need the most “push” and how much they can be pushed without being pushed away.  After much prayer and only on rare occasions, sometimes a fence needs to be moved or modified.  If the expectations set at the beginning of the year can no longer be met by one of your mentees, but she’s still engaged, adjust your expectations with her so they are realistic and manageable for her life.  
  • Don’t give up on a relationship because of failed expectations or threaten a relationship through too much discipline.  Show her the rare virtues of loving unconditionally, not giving up on people, and not judging. Hold her accountable, but love her in tangible ways through it.  Believe in her in a way that potentially no one else has. This may mean she is no longer a part of the Titus2 group, but you meet with her one on one to continue your relationship.  Use your best discernment regarding whether a mentee should continue as a part of the group or if she is holding the group back.  And regardless, do everything you can within your control to continue a relationship with her, not giving up on her.
  • Remember the end goal is transformation, not performance.  While what we expect of them through the Titus2 program is important to foster growth, it is not the assignments themselves that are of utmost value. Relationship over accomplishment.
  • Pray, pray, pray. Invite God into the situation and the conversation - to prepare your mentee's heart, to give you words to say and the discernment to know what shouldn't be said.  Balancing truth and grace is best done by God and through God.

Ultimately this ministry and each mentee is in God’s hands.  He’s in control and He is the only one that has the power to change lives and bring spiritual growth.  We as mentors can’t force it.  Lean into God and let Him do the work.  It is our job to love and He’ll do the rest.

 

For His glory and the next generation,

Screenshot 2016-06-20 at 11.52.45 AM - Edited
Jeni Fobart
Executive Director
Titus2 Mentoring Women
jeni@titus2mentoringwomen.com

For resources to equip and guide you in your mentoring, go to www.titus2mentoringwomen.com
fb-icon

The Hard Words of Mentoring – part 4 Sep18

wordswag_1504188873730

The Hard Words of Mentoring - part 4

(click for part 1part 2, or part 3)

Being a mentor is what gives us permission to confront.
Trust is what allows us to confront.
Speaking truth is why we confront.
Love and grace is what fosters growth when we confront.  

As mentors we are challenged with speaking truth through hard conversations, yet doing it through a filter of love and grace, preserving the relationship with your mentee.  Sacrifice truth for love or love for truth and we aren't truly showing love at all.  True love has the courage to live in the tension between both truth and love.  

"And this is love: that we walk in accordance with His commandments and are guided continually by His precepts." 2 John 1:6 (AMP)

Jesus gave truths, challenging people to hold themselves to a higher standard.  He corrected them as needed, but He also showed much grace.  He set a perfect example for us in how to walk the fine line between confrontation (truth) and grace (love).

So the question is, as mentors, are we willing to embrace the tension between love and truth, not disregarding one for the other?

Examples of how to tangibly do this ...

  • Grace is necessary to preserve the mentee/mentor relationship, but gentle rebuke of failed expectations is important.  Remind your mentees that we all fall short at times and share a personal experience and how you grew from it.  Just as we show our children and God shows us, there is grace but there is also discipline.  Our Heavenly Father corrects us because He loves us.  How you approach your mentee, when you confront, what you say, and how you say it are vital to effectiveness.
  • Love your mentees through their struggles. Talk with them about where they are lacking and what may be causing it.  Are they overwhelmed?  Not making it a priority? Is the program or you as a mentor not what they expected?Ask what could make her experience better and/or more manageable.  Find creative ways to help them overcome their area of struggle.  Prioritize what you want from her and ask what you can do to help her be successful. Stress again the importance of faithfulness in their commitment.
  • Discern your mentee’s stage of life, their margin, the areas that they need the most “push” and how much they can be pushed without being pushed away.  After much prayer and only on rare occasions, sometimes a fence needs to be moved or modified.  If the expectations set at the beginning of the year can no longer be met by one of your mentees, but she’s still engaged, adjust your expectations with her so they are realistic and manageable for her life.  
  • Don’t give up on a relationship because of failed expectations or threaten a relationship through too much discipline.  Show her the rare virtues of loving unconditionally, not giving up on people, and not judging. Hold her accountable, but love her in tangible ways through it.  Believe in her in a way that potentially no one else has. This may mean she is no longer a part of the Titus2 group, but you meet with her one on one to continue your relationship.  Use your best discernment regarding whether a mentee should continue as a part of the group or if she is holding the group back.  And regardless, do everything you can within your control to continue a relationship with her, not giving up on her.
  • Remember the end goal is transformation, not performance.  While what we expect of them through the Titus2 program is important to foster growth, it is not the assignments themselves that are of utmost value. Relationship over accomplishment.
  • Pray, pray, pray. Invite God into the situation and the conversation - to prepare your mentee's heart, to give you words to say and the discernment to know what shouldn't be said.  Balancing truth and grace is best done by God and through God.

Ultimately this ministry and each mentee is in God’s hands.  He’s in control and He is the only one that has the power to change lives and bring spiritual growth.  We as mentors can’t force it.  Lean into God and let Him do the work.  It is our job to love and He’ll do the rest.

 

For His glory and the next generation,

Screenshot 2016-06-20 at 11.52.45 AM - Edited
Jeni Fobart
Executive Director
Titus2 Mentoring Women
jeni@titus2mentoringwomen.com

For resources to equip and guide you in your mentoring, go to www.titus2mentoringwomen.com
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